my songs

http://youtu.be/WM7-PYtXtJM

Saturday, April 7, 2012

love in all the right places

I really don't know how to start this but now I guess its going to start just like this. I remember when i first ment my husband, well... as we "offically" we called, common law, I hate that term, I really don't like labels being put on anything, I chose not to get married, don't really see the point, with a once divorced mom and dad, though second relationship was "common law" it lasted like 20 yrs, and then ended, I think weddings are just an over expensive party, and I don't need an exuse to have a party or alot of money either! Anyway, when I first met my , well.. we will call him by his name for lack of labels, John, I thought he was a jerk! and I told him, "your a jerk" I will leave out the condiotion he and I were in that night I met him, even thou I called him a jerk, I haven't left his side since, 13 years later.. I loved him before I even liked him, I wasn't looking for anything of the kind when I first met him, I was freshly 20, but had a lot of years of wrong turns and bad decisions, I was anything but comfortable with myself , who I was where Ive been and where I was headed, but that night, EVERYTHING changed, I found love , though I didn't even know it yet at that time, but it was love found in all the right placces. Then after 5 years together we had our daughter, I never wanted to have kids, I was convinced I would be a bad mom, I didn't feel I had the know how , or what it took, But I did become a mom, and my whole world changed and only for the better, I didn't know I was capable of loving someone so much as I did the moment I laid my eyes on her, and to have someone love me back just as much as unconditionaly , almost 2yrs later, I had my son, my beautiful boy, who has special needs, though I was unaware of just how special at the time, I didn't want kids, yet here I was with 2, my heart grew, i was filled with even more love, never did i imagine having 3 kids, after being through so much in the short year i had my son, It would be unfair to him to bring another baby into complete yet complicated family, that year was 2006, 2007, I had my last boy!(and by last I mean LAST!) surprise!, I cried and cried when I first found out we were going to have another baby, i didn't think it was going to be managable, we did it, he was the best addition to complete our now family of 5, and though I didn't know how we were going to manage another baby, with having my daughter and my son who by this time had just complex medical needs, but my heart grew 3X , and here I am now a mother of 3, I always like to say, I litterally have one each, a girl, a boy, and a boy with special needs! All 4 of these people have brought so much to my life, and shown me love like i've never known, and I give them love back that I didn't think I was capable of.
my daughter now almost 8, and all her brillance, she's so creative, school smart to the point where school almost bores her, she is so determined to win that I feel sorry for anyone who dare challenge her, she has such a love for animals, she spends to much time pretending to be one, I really think she use to be one. She tells me daily that she has such a beautiful mommy and she would not want any other mother.
My now 6 year old, who has sufferred so much in his short little life, but still has a strength and spirit in him, he wins all he battles. He has taught me how to love unconditionaly, to be kinder to others, who just don't know what story they may have of their own, he brought out a loud voice in me that I never thought I had, and I love him, and I know by looking into his big beautiful eyes, he knows just who I am, and that he too loves me!
My soon to be 4 year old, who from day one, drove me insane with his constant loud screams and high pitch tone he thinks is is voice, but he is the absolute perfect addition to our family even if he was an unplaned surprise. he doesn't miss a trick, nothing goes unseen with him, he's full of questions about you, even if he doesn't know you, I call him my little detective, he's a true sports fan, loves anything with a ball, and I have no idea where he gets it from, he has the bigest heart and comassion of any boy his age i have ever met! and he lets me hug and kiss him all day long, he tells me im the best everyday and always says he likes my shirt, and if its new, he knows it! he loves me, and I love him more then I ever dreamed I would! Im so amazed by these little people, and that I created them, they are with faults and nothing but perfect to me!
Last, there is the man I call John, what can I say about him?? he's been there through thick and thin, right by my side, and there has been some REAL think times,and even through the challenges we have yet t endure, but know their one day coming. He tells me everyday how beautiful I am, though I believe he believes what he says, I oftten question his sanity, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder! He loves when I wear yoga pants because he likes the way my ass looks in them, and to this day I still call him a jerk, you know... for looking at my ass! He always puts his family first, he do what we feel is right for them and best for our family, he doesn't care what others think, he's happy with all he has, but is always so quick to help others who are in need, he is by far a better person then I... and gosh darn it!! he loves me, for exacly who I am, and here we are , 13years later still going strong, with our perfect family we created, I don't need money in the bank to be the ritches girl in the world. I'm comfortable with who I am today, and even thou sometimes my heart aches, and so often I cry, I do not suffer. I have many things to be greatful for, but mainly , all the love I have in my life... I have found love that I once longed so hard for, in all the right places.